He makes me feel so low that I do t even feel like a woman. I don't even feel human I feel like an object that's faded and tattered. I feel like I just want to disappear. I want to fade away and never be heard from again. I dream of waking up in dreams dreaming more and more of more dreams thoughtless thoughts free from all emotion. I dream about this. I want to let go and finally breathe again. I want to feel loved and safe. I'm so low I can't imagine what up feels like. Up is somewhere in the clouds where somebody loves you somebody cares up is where there's no pain none at all. I dream I'll find that place. I dream that I can make my own dream come true. I dream about this.

I can't believe he just accused me of cheating because I work so much! I work because I need money even though it never seems to go where I need it to then I'm stuck working even more. I hate my life. Every Night I dream I'll wake up in a better place I never do.

I realized today that as long as we're together I'll always be a broke bitter in debt evil bitch. I'll never be happy or fully satisfied. Misery will always be my name.

I dreamed of a better day last night, but then I awoke to my own personal hell again. Stuck in the same depressing place for yet another day. I fantasize about the day I can move back into my own place. The day I can get the hell out of this place finally. Right now I'm sitting here wondering how much longer it'll be. How much longer for the looks the stares the comments the attitude the front the lack of privacy the constant reminder of living in a dark hot ass basement when does it stop?? I dream it will. During the day the daydream makes me work harder. I work until I clock out thinking okay if I make this amount tonight I can pay this or that tomorrow and be closer to leaving. But it's never enough. I feel like my mind is swimming through blackness and I just wish that there was something I could do to instantly change my life.

If I fall any lower in life I fear I'll end up somewhere far worse than hell. Is there any way I can be saved?