Falling down

I feel so crappy. It's easy to keep saying take it one day at a time and stay positive but damn it's hard as fuck to actually do. Everyday I try to keep it together in spite of things but this load is getting to be too much to bare. I'm depressed, my hairs falling out still from the stress and the bags under my eyes look like suitcases. I'm so tired and sad all the time. I feel like everyday I'm just painting on a smile and pretending that I'm okay. When the truth is I'm falling apart. All the walls are closing in on me and I have nowhere to turn. The only Time I feel okay is when I'm drinking or sleeping. At least then I'm not thinking or worried about everything that's going on. I keep wondering when life is going to turn around for me...

Confused

So me and my boyfriend have not had sex in over a month and I'm so confused on why. I mean what should I be doing that I already don't do?? He says it's nothing and I'm tripping but sex is a big factor in a relationship and out sex life is practically non exsistent right about now. Ughhh I hate this do much I miss being intimate with him

Hard times

So today I feel the whole world is shitting on me right now. I haven't had a check in almost two months since
my account is all fucked up, and it's going to take at least another month to start getting paper checks. I'm working all these hours just to still be in debt, hungry, stressed, tired, and broke as fuck. I'm trying so hard to stay positive and remember that schools still going good and any day now I should be getting my nurse assistant papers in the mail so I can start working. It's so hard...I want somebody to talk to or at least just blow off some steam with...it's times like this I miss my friends from Reno. Everything's all jumbled around in my head so my thoughts aren't straight and idk...there's too much racing through my mind right now...I don't think I'm making any sense and I want to snap. Going to pray and ask for my mother to look over me and guide me. I need it so bad.

New plan

Since everybody including myself thinks I'm the size of like ten whales then I'm going back on a special diet that I had in middle and high school. I would tell but then it wouldn't be as special now would it. I should see results very soon though. Oh me an chipmunk just got into a huge fight and idk how I feel about it. His tone can r so hateful so even when we sort of reach common ground I still feel like idk...all I know is I'm dieting as if right now and I'm going to make sure I have a nursing job by next week. By the time I start my summer semester in may I want to be at 35-45 pounds lighter And working 80hrs a week😊😊 wish me luck. I know this is going to be a long three months.

Troubled

My boyfriend is such an idiot. He spent the whole day doing exactly what I didn't want him to do, sleep and eat. I told him I finally wanted one day of him to myself and yet, I couldn't even get that. It's like he doesn't even care hat we're falling apart. I just want to spend time together and he acts as if that's asking for too much. The only time we talk is when he's picking me up or dropping me off somewhere. We never just sit and talk or be physical with each other. It hurts when you want that person so bad and yet they keep avoiding you at all costs. I want him to talk to me and be with me but he won't. I miss us. I miss him. I love him so much..but idk what to do about this. I keep warning him that I won't he around forever but yet he still dies the same things as before. I feel do lost and alone.. I keep drinking hoping it will numb my pain but all it does is put me to sleep only to awake to the same problem. Does he really love me or am I fooling myself into a beautiful lie?? God I wish guys were less complex. I feel so empty idk what to do. I want him back...but I'm sick of being hurt and alone. Why can't he put in the same effort that I am??? Why can't he just be honest with me?? Does he really love me?? Does he care??? Love hurts soo much..what do I do???

I passed!!!

Omfg I passed the test!!! Now I can start working as a Cna finally. Words cannot describe the happiness I'm feeling right now. Ah all I can say right now is relief.

The big test day!!

Ugh test day is here I'm scared nervous and completely on edge right now. And my dumb ass boyfriend is being a asshole right now. My glasses broke and I need him to drive me but he's being a lazy ass fuck right now and won't do it. Luckily his mom is so thank god for her. I don't understand why if I go over and beyond for him why can't he do the same for me??? I give so much in this relationship and yet I feel as if sometimes I get nothing in return. But anyways I'm going to try and focus on passing my exam. Wish me luck!!

All nerves

Agh my test is tomorrow and I'm sooo damn nervous. Everyone keeps saying I got this, but a part of me is scared that I might fail. But I have to keep thinking positive. Passing this test will open up so many doors for me, sonic have to keep the faith and just make it happen. Wish me luck!!

Worst valentines day ever!!!

It was supposed to be a great night out with my boyfriend but it turned out to be a night with him hanging out with his dumb ass friends and me being pissed off because he's being a stupid ass bitch. He never wants to anything with me at all and I can't fucking stand it. I'm too good of a woman to keep dealing with this childish ass shit.

Date night!!😍

I'm sooo excited for tonight it's been so long since me and chipmunk went out on a date. I'm glad it's with my niece and her man. They always have me laughing the whole night. I will be posting pics. 😉

A new outlook

It's been awhile since I've posted anything and so much has changed in my life since my last post. For one that sad lonely girl is gone, and a beautiful young woman has taken her place. I'm getting ready for my valentine so more details later. 💋💋