going threw it

These last few days have made me feel like I've been raked over the coals. I'm praying that everything will be better soon and that I'll get threw this ruff patch and come out,better then what I was before.

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should I stay or should I go??

Thinking if I should break-up with my boyfriend or not....I love him so much...but I can't keep taking all of this disrespect. He's made me feel so low at times...and yet so high at others....he always tells me he loves me and that he never wants me to leave...but his actions say something completely different from his words...everyday its promises after promise which turns into lie after lie and apology after apology...I wonder does he even mean the things he says now...am I a game to him? Does he just want me around so that no one else can have me? I thought when you were in love it was supposed to make you happy and set you free...it feels like I'm a prisoner to my love for him...I wish I knew what to do. I wanna leave....but everytime I start to he switches up and makes me feel like he loves me again...he butters me up so good and becomes so kind like he was before..then as soon as he has me smiling we're back at square one. Him gone in the streets and me here alone trying to figure out were we went so wrong..

in the middle

I'm having problems with my boyfriend and my family again.  As usual it all started with a smart comment made and its escalating to something very serious and I have no idea what to do.  I love my family and my boyfriend but I think both sides are wrong for starting such a petty senseless argument.  I wish my boyfriend would just shut his mouth sometimes. It gets him into such trouble.  I have a feeling the fallout from this is going to be so bad...It's hard enough battling with myself now I have this to think about. I feel so worried and scared I keep shaking and throwing up. He's yelling and being mean and just left in my car without even asking and I guess my families calling him and stuff but nobodys talked to me...It's snowing right now as I look outside. It looks so peaceful and beautiful..such the complete opposite of whats going on right now.  I hope everything calms back down soon. I don't want to see this erupt into anything worse.

untitled

It's not fair that neither one of my parents are living. I'm only 18 and I still need them.  I feel so betrayed that I had such little time with the only two people who loved me more than life itself.  Im so fucking mad! why are they gone?? I still need so much more guidance and help with my life.  I want my dad here to protect me and make sure my heart doesnt get broken.  I want my mom here to give me advice on everything....I need them to be here to hold me and tell me that life is going to get better...all I can do right now is cry all over my keyboard and stare at their pictures....I just want to feel their touch again or even for my dad to yell at me about homework and cleaning my room.  I miss my parents so much its hurts me physically and emotionally Parents arent supposed to die before their kids. It's not fair WTTTFFFFFF I want to be normal again.  I wanna bitch about my strict parents too.  I want somebody to be proud that I made the deans list or that im going to nursing school....I want to feel like somebody in this world loves me....

Thinking Of You

Everyday I struggle with being alone, waiting for you to come back home. You never call or text...you don't answer my calls...and yet..the moment you walk into the door i melt in your arms like a chocolate bar that's been sitting in the sun. Why is it that with every kiss you place upon my body I feel weaker and weaker almost like a frail child..You make me feel so good...but with that good feeling comes these feelings of insecurity, doubt, anger, confusion, and most of loneliness. My thoughts feel so scattered about in my mind...the only thing I feel certain about is that I want you here to kiss me, hold me and love me...until you leave me again..

New Hope

As I sit here wasting my time on the internet tweeting and such, I realized...something is different about today...something is different about me....I have hope for myself...that...I won't be weak...I won't give up and run away from my responsibilities....I will be different, stronger, better than my old self..I believe it's time to coax this new found self from it's shell and thrust it into the world. I hope this new train of thought lasts longer than this one moment.