Now we cant talk because he's not in the mood. Okay but if you had some shit to say I better be all ears. I'm done having everything be your way like this shit is bk. life doesn't work that way. He says I always have an attitude I how him and I've changed. I haven't changed I'm growing the fuck up. I'm not about to keep letting you railroad me while you do what the fuck you want. I know I'm a damn good woman and I don't deserve this shit. Not at all. I don't treat you like a king anymore because you don't treat me like your queen. You don't honor me or respect me. You act like I'm just like every bitch that's out here and you know damn well it's true. You chose to keep slipping up, treating me like whatever. So now you have to deal with me being angry, being hurt, being fed up with all your nonsense. Shit after two years it might be too late to try and make a come back. I feel like I've waited long enough. And im not going to say your the worst bf ever. You can be kind, caring, loving, you listen, our can take away every bit of fear, and touch of loneliness with one tight hug and a long strong kiss. You can be supportive when you want to be and you provided when you had it. But all that's over shadowed by all the other shit you've done. I hate sounding like there's nothing positive to say but you have me so frustrated and tired it's all that I can see. You put in the least amount of effort that you have to and that I really don't get. If I'm asking you to show me something different then do that. If I keep seeing the same shit I'm going to stay angry. You catching an attitude with me for trying to talk things out by telling you what's on my mind isn't going to make shit better either. I don't wanna here the bullshit reason on why you don't feel like talking fine don't talk just fucking listen!! Understand that I'm tired and I work hard and at the end of my day I wanna be loved I want some attention, I wanna be talked to, I wanna feel like I'm coming home to my baby and not that black fucker.

Okay

Im so damn mad right now. How the fuck is it my fault that this shit is falling apart? I've spent the last two years waiting for him to fucking listen to what the fuck I'm saying about our relationship and now that I'm tired and fed of all the bullshit and I'm done trying its my fault? Wtf ever. I'm sick of being the one who's waiting at home at night. I'm sick of begging to be touched and kissed. I'm sick of being ignored and being out last behind his fucking friends. How the fuck can you sit there and act like you've bee. Nigga of the year when you haven't. You never hear shit I say. It goes in one ear and out the other. Then when I flip you always have the right shit to say or you flip out too and act like its because of me you don't care. It's because of me that we don't spend time together because I'm always mad. Duh fucker. Wouldn't you be mad if everyday somebody was always using your car and dropping you off? Never showing you affection? Never showed you fucking respect? Always wanna hang out with their friends and not you? Ignored your calls for hours? Lied to you even about dumb shit? Borrowed shit and then never pay you back? Mistreat your shit? Sell your shit? Blame you for shit that's going wrong in their life? Yeah I'm fucking mad. Ive been faithful for two years when you've cheated and had a baby on the side. I've helped you come up, I've had your back when there wasn't anybody else there. I was the one loving you and you can still sit there and act like I have no reason to be upset? Like I shouldn't be at that breaking point? Yeah theres se great times in our relationship, but at this point even the small shit is cutting that last thread. I love my chipmunk with all my heart. I wanted to grow old with him have kids, everything. But I s haven't seen real change. What's different from last year? Have you tried to help me like I've helped you when you need it? You can take any job as long as your bringing something to the table to make this shit less stressful. Yes relationships aren't all about money and yeah sometimes it takes someone awhile to get on their feet they need your support. I get that and I've been more than supportive. Yeah I can be a grade A bitch but dammit as stressed out as I am I can have a couple bitchy days. I have a boulder on my fucking shoulders and you never seem to care enough to help change that. It's always me catering to you. Me bending over backwards for you. I can't even get a rub down after busting my ass for a couple of dollars but you want one almost every night for what?? So yeah I turn into bitch of the year. When I come home the house looks and smells like shit. My car is nasty as hell, there's barely any gas in my tank and I know your either about to go to sleep once we get home or gonna ask for a damn massage. You don't and won't give me a back run some kisses nothing. But let one of our niggas call you'll jump right up and leave me all by myself. Or you'll drop me off somewhere and won't answer your phone until the next day. You say if the shoe was on the other foot you would let me drive your car and all the good shit. I don't believe it. Your too selfish. Well no you have your selfish moments. You turn into a 5yr old when you don't get our way and then bully and bully some more until you get what you want then sit there with an attitude because I'm not smiling. Wtf do I have to smile for? And I'm not pissed all the time. I'm pissed when you start to pull that same old bullshit and I already know how shit is about to go down. Yesterday was our anniversary and it was the most miserable day of my life. He didn't even hug me. He spent the whole day with his fucking friends. Then wondered why I was so mad later on. Why the fuck do you think I'm mad???

Two fucking years of my life done the fucking drain dumped like fucking trash on the side of the road?? Really after the shit you put me through you can toss me to the fucking side?? You'll never find another woman like me not in this life time. I hope you find somebody just like you. Maybe then you can see how it feels to have your heart stepped on and broken into little pieces

He's acting like a bitch ass little girl right about now. I'm so sick of him acting like he can do whatever the fuck he wants. I feel like this, if your going to keep disrespecting me and acting like a fucking 2yr old because shits not going your way then why the fuck are we together?? Why be with someone you feel like you gotta lie to every single day?? Why be with someone and you don't want to spend time with??

Sometimes I wish my dad never died and I never left nv. I miss that time when I had a ton of friends I had a dad a home a life...life was different slower...I never felt the things I've felt since I've been here...everything's always fucked up...the only thing I wanted when I got here was to feel the love I felt when I was in nv that helped me get threw everything.. I thought I found that in him...but...idk...I don't understand how the person who makes me feel like Im everything can also make me feel like I'm nothing ..it hurts so bad...I want that feeling again love...happiness...something

What???!

I'm so frustrated and boiling mad but idk why. My heads pounding I just wanna hit something! Ugh no i do know why. This fucker is in one of his bitch moods and it's pissing me off. What does he expect to happen?? You make dumb ass decisions, don't do shit to fix them then sit around looking stupid because something bad happened. Duh! He's so in-responsible I mean he loses everything wallets jewelry keys phones other people's shit money everything if his dick wasn't attached he would lose that too. Everything is always about helping him not hoeing him. He's always saying nobody does shit for him but every day I'm doing something for him giving him something. It's frustrating to hear somebody say over n over that your tryin to help them when that's all you do. It makes me jut wanna be a bitch all day.

Finding work

Today I'm going to go to some nursing homes and really get on my shit. I'm tired of not working. I feel like a loser being broke all the time. I got bills to pay and rent and there's literally no food in my house. I'm trying as hard as I can to find anything. I've even applied to fast food places. I just need a job.

It's over.

So me and chipmunk are over. It's a strange feeling to not be together anymore but I think it's for the best. Right now we're just not clicking and it's better that we just be friends. As much as I still love him I doubt that we'll get back together. The last couple of day have just been up and down. There's still some fighting and over things but, I think things will simmer out soon. He's going after what he wants and I'm going forward with what I want. All the free time I'll have being single will push me towards working on my shot gpa this summer. I gotta be on point with my grades this year. It's crunch time.