I should be happy that my car I getting fixed right now and that I have a ride to work. But I'm not. I'm too busy stressing about how I'm going to put gas in there so I can get to work tomorrow and for the rest of the week. I borrowed money from my brother that I have to pay back tomorrow ply my phone bill is due and so is the light bill. So Idk if I'm going to have anything left of my check to do anything. I keep staring at all the positive trying to stay out of the depressing shadow...I just want one week where I don't have to worry about food, money, gas, or anything else. I actually woke up mad asf just because I had to get up and out of bed. Sleeping has become like my coping mechanism. When I'm sleep everything is okay and plentiful. I know that's not reality though. I wonder when is the rainy days over? When I get to be carried instead of being the carrier? I say these words every single day but I'm tired. I don't want to be tired anymore. I miss being able to splurge and have fun pay everything on time and do what I want to do. I feel like I don't know exactly when things just went so wrong..i'll spend all day racking my brain for that answer.