Fucked myself again

So for some idiotic reason I'm back together with the person who makes my life a living hell. He makes me so angry I shake all over from head to toe. And to make matters worse I'm pregnant so now my angers amplified. I feel miserable every fucking day. If I'm not being left at work late or having to walk far asf after my shift then sit at a gas station until I find a ride I'm left stuck at somebody's house pissed off and sick as a dog. I work almost every single day on my feet for 8 or more hours at a time and this bastard still doesn't even have the respect for me to talk to me like he has some sense. He doesn't rub my back or my feet which have been swollen for over a month now. But he expects for me to hop up and rub him down so he can get a good nights sleep. It's depressing knowing I have to spend the rest of this time like this. I'm embarrassed everyday at work, I'm embarrassed everyday around his family. I feel like a dog. It's even worse because I know I deserve better and I still stay with this boy who treats me like a disposable toy. I yell at him and call him names but that doesn't do anything other than make matters worse. It's back to the point where I hate waking up in the morning. I have nightmares about being left at school and work with my baby or being stuck somewhere unable to get to my baby because he wants to go out and be with his friends or he has something better to do. It's makes me so sad I felt so good better then what I have in years when I broke up with him. And as we slowly got back together I felt like I was back to dying slowly. I any even describe the exact emotion I feel it's like having somebody hurt you in the worst way everyday then bitch you out because they want you to feel bad. They want you to suffer and decay and rot. That's how I feel about this thing we call a relationship. Everybody looks at me like a retard because I stay. He fucks me over every single day and never does he care. He sits there spits his usual talk looks at me like I'm stupid and that's it. Everything is supposed to be over because he said so. I'm about to lose my job again because I've been late so much because him running in the street is more important. I don't understand how I can hate him so much that I get stomach pains when I talk to him but at the same time I still love him. Why this boy try's to break me down on a daily basis. And I still let him back in. I don't understand why. I'm running around in circles staying with him. My worst fear is that I'll become one of those women who stay with a man who ain't shit for years and completely ruin their lives.