It's been so long since I've posted anything. I've been through so much in this last year. Noah's almost one now and his biological father is still not in the picture. I have met someone since who is proud to call him his son. He's a wonderful man, but I still sometimes wonder am I wanting too much. WhatI mean is...I've always wanted that until death do us part, passionate, unconditional love that I've always seen on movies and t.v. show. I want to be loved so badly it burns a hole inside my heart. I know this man loves me, but sometimes he seems so...i don't know...indifferent and angry...I think it's me. He makes me happy he does. He loves my son as if he were his own. He provides like  man should....but still...there's something I'm not doing right as always. I can never seem to please the men in my life...nor anyone else. I'm coming to believe that it's because I'm fucked up..or I'm just a selfish cunt who wants her cake and to eat it too...This is a whole new year..I should be a new person. I
m a mother now. I'm a grown ass woman...but I'm still shattered into a million little pieces trying to put myself back together again. Here I go again rambling about my depressing ass thoughts and random thoughts about love and whats wrong with me. I guess somethings stay the same right?? The one thing I can say that positive and good is my beautiful son Noah. He's all I have, all I need, all I want. He loves me no matter what I do or say....Although again for me...that's not enough...I want a companion that will be with me always...