Feeling down and out

It's so fucking hard being a single mom. This not sleeping thing is driving me fucking crazy. These two hour and up feedings at 2 and 3 in the morning are beyond frustrating. It's to the point were I'm yelling at the baby and I know it's wrong. I'm just so wrung out and drained. I just tell him moments tired. But I know I'm yelling it and it brothers me. I'm just so damn tired. I have so much on my plate and life's been shitting on me so hard I feel like I'm going to break. I have all these fucked up thoughts in my head, it scares me sometimes. I know that I wouldn't do any of them but the fact that I still thought them worries me. I go to the doctor in a few days so hopefully he'll be able to help me sort things out. This feels worse than baby blues. I feel like a mad woman. I cry a lot randomly and it feels like I can't or just won't ever stop. I love my baby so much. He's a blessing. My blessing. But there's just something wrong with me that's blocking all the happiness I should be feeling when I look at him.