Dazed and confused

So I'm feeling like a complete and utter idiot. I'm still in love with my sons father and its making me feel crazy. He tells me one thing and then does another. He keeps saying he wants us to be a family and for us to get married one day and he's going to shape up get a good job and take care of me and Noah. But he's still out here slanging and hanging out late and not spending time with me and the baby. Looking at our son makes me cry because he looks so much like him and I want so badly for things to work out between us. I always thought that the person I had a baby with was going to be the person I married and spent the rest of my life with. I don't want to give him all my heart again just to have it broken and end up alone with a baby. Everybody still hates him and gives me shit for still loving him, but how can I shut those feelings off after everything we've been through together? He's my first love. There's nothing he doesn't know about me. I loved his man with every fiber of my soul. No matter how mad I am at him seeing his face makes me smile and my heart melts away any ice that was there. I miss having him around me. I love it when he's around me and our son. I feel so peaceful watching them together. I just wish I knew if he's really going to change completely or not