Okay

Im so damn mad right now. How the fuck is it my fault that this shit is falling apart? I've spent the last two years waiting for him to fucking listen to what the fuck I'm saying about our relationship and now that I'm tired and fed of all the bullshit and I'm done trying its my fault? Wtf ever. I'm sick of being the one who's waiting at home at night. I'm sick of begging to be touched and kissed. I'm sick of being ignored and being out last behind his fucking friends. How the fuck can you sit there and act like you've bee. Nigga of the year when you haven't. You never hear shit I say. It goes in one ear and out the other. Then when I flip you always have the right shit to say or you flip out too and act like its because of me you don't care. It's because of me that we don't spend time together because I'm always mad. Duh fucker. Wouldn't you be mad if everyday somebody was always using your car and dropping you off? Never showing you affection? Never showed you fucking respect? Always wanna hang out with their friends and not you? Ignored your calls for hours? Lied to you even about dumb shit? Borrowed shit and then never pay you back? Mistreat your shit? Sell your shit? Blame you for shit that's going wrong in their life? Yeah I'm fucking mad. Ive been faithful for two years when you've cheated and had a baby on the side. I've helped you come up, I've had your back when there wasn't anybody else there. I was the one loving you and you can still sit there and act like I have no reason to be upset? Like I shouldn't be at that breaking point? Yeah theres se great times in our relationship, but at this point even the small shit is cutting that last thread. I love my chipmunk with all my heart. I wanted to grow old with him have kids, everything. But I s haven't seen real change. What's different from last year? Have you tried to help me like I've helped you when you need it? You can take any job as long as your bringing something to the table to make this shit less stressful. Yes relationships aren't all about money and yeah sometimes it takes someone awhile to get on their feet they need your support. I get that and I've been more than supportive. Yeah I can be a grade A bitch but dammit as stressed out as I am I can have a couple bitchy days. I have a boulder on my fucking shoulders and you never seem to care enough to help change that. It's always me catering to you. Me bending over backwards for you. I can't even get a rub down after busting my ass for a couple of dollars but you want one almost every night for what?? So yeah I turn into bitch of the year. When I come home the house looks and smells like shit. My car is nasty as hell, there's barely any gas in my tank and I know your either about to go to sleep once we get home or gonna ask for a damn massage. You don't and won't give me a back run some kisses nothing. But let one of our niggas call you'll jump right up and leave me all by myself. Or you'll drop me off somewhere and won't answer your phone until the next day. You say if the shoe was on the other foot you would let me drive your car and all the good shit. I don't believe it. Your too selfish. Well no you have your selfish moments. You turn into a 5yr old when you don't get our way and then bully and bully some more until you get what you want then sit there with an attitude because I'm not smiling. Wtf do I have to smile for? And I'm not pissed all the time. I'm pissed when you start to pull that same old bullshit and I already know how shit is about to go down. Yesterday was our anniversary and it was the most miserable day of my life. He didn't even hug me. He spent the whole day with his fucking friends. Then wondered why I was so mad later on. Why the fuck do you think I'm mad???